Standing Witness to Our Children Experiencing Life

 A little food for thought from this teacher, mother, and yogi....

For some reason, too many parents in my generation have gotten the message that our job is to prevent our kids from experiencing consequences, that our job is to help make things better for them always -- seeking to prevent them from experiencing any punishment, loss or a bad feeling. And of course, I understand that we want them to be happy. But is it really because we are uncomfortable? What type of lessons are we teaching them about the world if we don't allow ourselves to be uncomfortable?

Based on my years of learning with Dr. Shefali, I am continually learning that parenting is the opportunity to grow. Why do so many parents do whatever they can to prevent children from any consequences? Do their kids' homework, lie for them so they won't be punished?

Do we try to prevent consequences because it makes us feel bad? Consequences are just natural and when we allow our loved ones to experience the natural order of life, we teach them it is not that bad. Let's not fear the consequences so much that we send the message that we will crumble if things don't work out. Let's not fear the consequences so much that we lie, steal, cheat and interfere so that we feel better ourselves.

Instead, let's show our children that we can endure difficulties! We learn resilience by experiencing life.... all of it. I tried out for the cheerleading squad in high school -- didn't make it and began writing for the local paper about sports. I didn't get into Vanderbilt, where I always wanted to go but had a wonderful college experience that led to opportunities and relationships I still treasure. My husband was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease when he was 36 -- our kids were 5 and 9. Our life changed, we wouldn't have wanted this, and it is not always easy BUT we are ok. There are jobs I've interviewed for that I didn't get. Life will not always work out and it is ok! So please trust the beauty of life, of the universe, of God's love for us to know that things don't have to always work out in order for it to be good. Allow your children to learn this; don't get in their way but stand beside them with love and empathy, encouragement and creativity in how to grow and do better next time.

In addition to the end of the school year, the reason I am thinking about this lately is that Molly plays on a softball team (coached by BJ) that has lost several games (they won their first game last night) and I have quoted my brother saying "you play sports to learn how to lose as much as to win." I've watched BJ continue to be positive and praise the girls after each loss.

And, last night I witnessed something pretty powerful at the school where I teach, Independence High School. The baseball team lost a heartbreaker in the sub-state just as graduation was about to start across the parking lot on the football field.

My new friend and co-teacher Jimmy Neal is a coach and he threw on his robe over his coaching uniform and I saw him as all the students, admin and faculty proceeded out while he was waiting on the seniors, who I assume were showering and changing. When I sat down I noticed the empty back row for the baseball Seniors.

A few minutes after everyone got seated and the ceremony started, these boys walked across the field in a line led by Coach Neal and someone yelled "the baseball team is here" and many people cheered. The players sat on the back row and I witnessed their smiles and good cheer, even after the crushing loss and the end of their season. Less than an hour ago, they were hoping to go to the state tournament, but it was over. Their spirit was a testament to their character and a perfect example of why need to let our kids experience loss. Because life goes on, and it is ok. In fact, even after loss, we can still smile and enjoy life, and so can our children if we allow them to learn this lesson.